Tonight I went to church. I don't get to go to "my" church often as it is in Rosemount, MN and I am usually not. This is the church I have been going to since I was in first grade. I was confirmed there, married there and most of all I feel safe there. Tonight was the pastor's last night; she is relocating to a church in White Bear Lake. Her sermon was very inspiring and so I would like to share the main points with anyone who hasn't abandoned this post due to its religious theme. The part that struck me the most was from Romans 8 Versus 38 and 39:
"For I am certain that nothing can separate us from his love; neither death nor life, neither angels nor other heavenly rulers or powers, neither the present nor the future, neither the world above nor the world below – there is nothing in all creation that will ever be able to separate us from the love of God which is ours through Christ Jesus our Lord."
Some days I forget this. Some days I think I am not worthy of His love due to my past or mistakes I might make in the future. Some days when I mess up I think, "Damn it is too late to start over. It is too late to ask for forgiveness from God or anyone else. I am so far from where I think I should be that I will be lost forever."
Tonight my pastor spoke of God's love, and how above all else she is positive that we can not be separated from it. I feel like perhaps this was some simple lesson we were all supposed to learn as children, and I guarantee that if it was, I missed that day in Sunday school. Or maybe I learned the lesson but life's experiences helped me to forget it. Either way I know that lately I feel like I have to do everything perfectly or else... You can fill in the blank with what ever you would like the ELSE to be; it doesn't really matter, and chances are your ELSE is very close to mine. In the end though I will always have God's love. I just need to embrace it. I am worthy of God's love, just as much as the person who cut me off this morning, or the person who didn't call me back, or even worse the person who did call me back but didn't have the answer I wanted...
Right now as I type I feel like life is exactly the way it is supposed to be, mistakes and all. And although I made some mistakes to day, I don't have a job, and my husband is 300 miles away, I am not alone. I am not empty or unworthy. I am surrounded by God's love, and it feels very comforting.
The big trick is to not forget this feeling of calm and serenity. The feeling of God's love.
So I wrote what I was feeling down and shared it with a good friend or two.